Now, I really don't want to disparage anyone's taste in entertainment, dubious as some people's tastes may be. (Okay, maybe I do.) But to those of you who seem to live and breathe for this stuff: Grow up! You graduated. Did you notice that? Years ago. Decades ago, in many cases. Most of you don't even have children in high school. Most of you never played high school football. Or dated a cheerleader. But even if you did... how old are you now?

Here's a concept for you: Get off your blubbery butt off that hard bench and go out and toss a football around yourself. Find a buddy and play a game. The whole concept of spectator sports is bizarre enough to me, because most sports voyeurs get their exercise going to the fridge to grab another beer before plunking themselves in front of a TV.

They love talking about it, too. Endlessly. At the dinner table. On talk radio. Around the water cooler. As if any of it matters. It doesn't. It's entertainment. The world of professional sports is already so much show business. In a few years, you won't be able to tell the NBA from the WWF. In fact, consider Dennis Rodman and tell me there's a difference right now. And that's professional sports.

The people in the Ohio Valley and deepest darkest Texas share an unnatural obsession for seeing high school children dress up in helmets and pads and go out and bash into each other's bodies. It is hardly even athleticism. This is a coach's game. They perform maneuvers that an adult maps out for them. There's a little running, a little throwing, kicking and catching. That's about it. Otherwise, it is over-padded bodies mindlessly banging into one another. The biggest question is supposed to be who will win. Guess what? Usually the bigger guy wins. Wow. What a concept! I think Darwin established that some time ago.

Winning is important to these people, too. Winning is everything. "Who won?" they want to know. "What was the score?" Once in a while, you might hear about a beautiful play. Or and extraordinary catch. Or even a case of the smaller guy coming out on top. But come on, most of that is only seen in sports movies. Most of this is speculative drivel. Worse, some of these nuts spend time fantasizing about it. Organized fantasy football leagues is a late 90's neo-sports fashion equaled in sheer weirdness only by the growing popularity of that pseudo-sport, NASCAR.