You are the exquisite force
That happened to me.
I was happened to
Like a stunning insurrection into my soul,
You plunged as deep as anyone had ever been.
You were the pulse inside me.
And once there, you gave me hope,
Restored fun.
Your love helped me believe in myself again,
Feel attractive, alive and open to possibilities.
You listened to me.
You let me vent and helped me find my center again.
You made me smile and laugh.
I adored you, admired you,
Liked you, loved you ...
For your intelligence, your common sense,
Your sense of decency and your sense of humor...
For your beauty and your talent,
Your practical nature,
Your poetic soul,
Your artistic temperament.
I was never deluded into thinking you were perfect;
After all, you are as poor at mathematics as I am.
But even your flaws were attractive:
Your guilt, your temper,
Your self-righteousness.
If you were a little quick to judge,
You were as quick to forgive.
You were the weather in my neighborhood.
You were the epic in the episode.
You were the year poised on the equinox.
That's why I needed to know, from you,
Your honest feelings
About a subject we dared not touch.
Of course, I needed from you
So much you could not give.
How could I expect you to remark upon my talents,
Mediocre as they my be?
My good work, rare as it is?
How could I charge you
With any more restoration to my self-esteem,
When you had already done so much?
How could I want you to want me more than anyone else?
I forgot the borders.
I ignored the boundaries,
And now we are both alone again,
Inventing life after each other.
And sleepless once more,
Nightly conjunctions,
Part dreams, part nightmares, part stunning reality...
The ceiling blinks of cars from the silent road.
It dances and scatters low in the grace-pattering rain,
As if the color of consciousness.
We are more than individuals.
Apart, not by warring theatrical families,
But this in birdcage of our own design.
Keep reminding yourself, but don't expect me to believe it.
Keep telling yourself that being alone is better
Than being lonely with someone you do not love. You may be right, but the truth is,
You don't know the alternative.
Still, I crave our unrealistic love.
Unfettered and determined
Like those distant headlights,
Plunging through the darkness toward a secret destination,
Scattering shreds of illumination along the way.